And Then I Thought I Was a Fish by Peter Hunt Welch

Author:Peter Hunt Welch
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Tags: Biography & Autobiography, Mental Illness, Personal Memoirs, Psychology, General
ISBN: 9780985318130
Publisher: Peter Welch
Published: 2013-01-02T00:00:00+00:00

You came up to me and said, “Do you still have my soul?” and I said, “Of course, it’s in my wallet.” Then you got wide-eyed and said, “Dude, I need it back,” so I gave it to you, and you ATE IT. Still one of the funniest things I ever saw, even if you were crazy.

I eventually found my way to the computer lab, where I spent about an hour selecting my helpers from the Microsoft Office animations. That fucking paperclip was the most fascinating thing I’d ever seen, and I tried, futilely, to communicate with it properly, but it just bounced around saying the same thing. I flipped through the others, I forget what they were, but none had the dynamic personality you apparently get from being a bent piece of metal for holding paper together. When I got bored of talking to unresponsive and over-caffeinated help menus, I walked out and passed a pool table. I was about to play, but couldn’t defend playing with balls that were actually planets and suns, because I might end the universe if I didn’t know what I was doing.

Here, I believed I was in Hell, but Hell was a fantasy playground, where everything was possible and death was a moot point, so it was time to have fun. This merged with my image of Heaven, and Heaven and Hell just became opposite views of the afterlife in general, encoded according to your ability to enjoy it.

There were many, many complicated delusions, though none more complex and socially perverse than the one that I’ll be describing in the next chapter.

The last one I’ll mention here is the closing eye. I was looking for my friend Crazy Biologist,[170] and never found him during my insanity, but I found the whiteboard on his door, and I drew a closed eye of Ra, which is one of the five things I can draw like an untalented eight-year-old. He asked me later why I drew it.

“Well, you remember the climax in Fight Club where he looks at Tyler Durden and says, ‘My eyes are open’ and shoots himself in the mouth, because he realizes Tyler is just a complicated escape from things he won’t admit to himself? I was running around on all these cracked out delusions and according to The Rules I couldn’t communicate with anyone properly or tell them what was going on in my head, and I probably couldn’t have explained it if I was allowed, so it was like trying to send signals to the real world from a dream. When I went to your door, I was still insane, but I knew, for a few moments that something wasn’t right, but I didn’t know what, or even have the words or understanding to start figuring out what it was. I just knew I wasn’t seeing things properly. So I remembered the Fight Club scene and drew that as a message to tell you, ‘My eyes are closed.’”

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